researcher's gambit


a/n: just cause nothings down there normally doesnt mean chain reactions cant cause a big bang ;D

 


 

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ch1

 


 

Chapter 1: experiment #1


The room you and Odile reside in is brightly lit by Crafted lanterns. The windows are slightly ajar and the murky summer breeze wafts in lazily. To your right, a fan is blasting air your way, though it's been Crafted to be silent as it runs. You don’t recall what time it is exactly, but judging by the way the sun’s rays are beginning to lose sway from where they filter in, the evening must be starting to dominate the day.

You and the researcher both take claim over the much too luscious bed. You at the head and her vaguely between your legs. To her right is one of her smaller notebooks, a pencil and a bookmark. To the left are her own legs, pushed out and crossed one over the other.

You must admit, you don’t think this position is very good for someone her age, but you’re not about to say anything about it. You know she wouldn’t appreciate it even as a joke right now. Not with her Thinking Cap on and secured so tightly.

Currently, Odile is staring at you without commentary. The sharp gaze kind of makes you want to squirm, but you’ll be a good little lab rat and stay still. Your hands fist the velveteen sheets underneath you though, your only form of reprieve.

Unable to do much else, you choose to reflect on the current state of affairs. You’re in Ka Bu, in Odile’s house, and further in her bedroom. After a long, long journey, you, her, Siffrin and Mira had all made it to the country in one piece. Along the way, you had picked up Pétronille in Bambouche, romped around a bit before letting her and Bonbon go back so the child could attend school again, made it to Jouvente and dropped off Isa after loitering for a while, and now finally, you’re here.

It had been a very long time since you had left Dormont. So long that you’re not sure how long, honestly. You keep trying to keep track of days, but you always forget somewhere along the way. You think that this is maybe the first new summer since you escaped the loops, so it had to at least have been a year? Something like that, surely.

Suffice it to say, things had changed.

You had grown steadily closer with everyone. You were dealing with your emotions in a… relatively respectable manner. And you…

You felt happy.

You focus in on the room again. Odile hasn’t touched you yet, but she’s scribbling something down in her notebook.You know she’d been staring at you this whole time, so she must have spotted something of interest to note.

You’re only here, in this situation, because the old woman had approached you earlier today, a curious look on her face, and asked to examine your biology. You had greatly intrigued her, apparently. And, realizing you wouldn’t mind knowing more about your wish gifted body yourself, you agreed.

Odile places her pencil down and looks at you. “Alright,” she breathes, “That should be all I can gleam from simple observation.”

You relax, releasing your hold on nerves you didn’t know you were tensing with. “Does that mean it’s touchy-feely time~?” you wink.

You didn’t understand your anatomy much. Really, you didn’t give it much thought outside of particular nights spent with your stardust. Sometimes, rarely, Isa would be there too.

The first time he had ever joined you was in Jouvente, you’re pretty sure. You can’t recall if it was an inn or the fighter’s house proper, but it’s not like it made much of a difference.

Siffrin was elbow deep in your star and you were both so utterly lost in passion you barely reacted when the door opened. Only when he spoke did you both gasp roughly with shock.

“You guys wannaaaaaaa…” he had started, only to falter with blush darkening his face so much you weren’t sure it was healthy.

You were ready to die then. Being caught like this, with you at your most vulnerable… You had no choice but to die.

And then, probably coming to a similar conclusion, Siffrin had ripped his hand out of you at a speed you were nowhere near prepared for. And, since you were only seconds away from climaxing before the fighter had interrupted anyways, the combination of the action and the situation at hand mixed and mingled and…

You came so hard and shone so bright you swore it was probably nothing short of a flash bang for the two of them.

The three of you had all talked about it after the fact of course, but you were fighting the urge to fling yourself out of the second story window the whole time. You didn’t ultimately, and one thing led to another, and then you and your stardust’s little twosome had suddenly become a threesome.

Setting boundaries that night had been a particular kind of hellish, but in the end, you had all woken up the next day satisfied.

The idea of Odile touching you now had brought the memory back to the forefront of your mind. You were hoping she would ask before prodding anywhere more sensual, but especially your star. You didn’t take her for the type to go in guns blazing even in an actual sexual situation, which this really wasn’t? But, still.

You didn’t mind being studied and scrutinized, not really. Not in a strict manner of your physicality, at least. You were honestly excited to leave this little confab with more knowledge about yourself. But you are all too aware of the way Isa had tried to touch your star, even double and triple checking beforehand, and the subsequent way you had all but freaked out the second you could feel his flesh come into contact with the aperture.

You remember sobbing.

You really didn’t want to start sobbing in front of Odile.

Speaking of the scholar, she chuckles in front of you, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Yes, I do suppose that’s what that means,” she nods. Shifting so she can get even closer to you, Odile moves until she’s properly flanked by your lightless legs. She’s now sitting criss crossed as she eyes you up and down one last time. “Is there anywhere in particular you’d rather me not interact with?” she asks.

Aah. You can’t tell if it’s her perceptiveness at work or simple respect and care for you, but you are extremely relieved she had asked before even reaching out.

Still though, the act of being open was never not going to be harrowing, so you glance away as you answer, shoulder raising. “Anywhere but my star is free game,” you say sheepishly.

“You star?” Odile repeats, pulling a curled finger to her mouth in thought. “You mean the symbol on your chest?”

You nod. “Yes. It’s… very… sensitive,” you manage, but just barely. Your hand raises itself without your strict say so to rest go on your arm, covering the offending crest as you prattle on. “No one… No one but stardust is allowed to touch it.”

To this Odile hums, and you are suddenly more than aware of what you said.

The sun has waned enough by now that you are able to both feel and see the fact that you brighten significantly. You swallow a whine though, unwilling to be even more achingly honest about your feelings than you already were being.

Don’t ask,” you stress, feeling something beyond just simple embarrassment flow throughout your entire being.

Odile simply laughs. “I wasn’t going to,” she informs with a wry smile. “At least, not right now.”

Ah. Wonderful. You can tell from tone alone that she’s already chomping at the bit to tease you and Siffrin the way she does them and Isa. Wonderful, truly.

Oh well. Something to worry about more later, you suppose.

You clear your throat. “Yes. Well.” You drop your hand, no longer feeling the desperate need to protect yourself. “As I said. Star aside, you can poke and prod as you wish, M’dame.” You look at her head on and lean back on the headboard a bit, hands at your sides. “Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

Odile nods, a pleasant smile pulling at her lips. “Let’s,” she agrees, and immediately moves to capture one of your arms in a gentle hold. You blink at the speed of it, surprised.

“Eager, are we?” you laugh. Odile hums, but offers no words as she twists and turns your limb back and forth. Ah. She has well and truly entered Researcher Mode, it seems.

You let your eyes close, trusting the woman to take her sweet time. With little else to do, you let your mind wander here and there. Memories of your stardust primarily take over, and you find yourself humming and letting your head teeter slightly from side to side, content.

In true Odile fashion, you feel her remove a hand every so often to jot something down before moving to your other arm where the same continues there. She then does the same with your legs, and then very tentatively rests a hand on your abdomen once she’s done with that as well.

“Is this okay?” she asks carefully.

Though you tried really hard to, you can’t suppress the shudder that overtakes your body in the end. As she pulls away a bit, you snap your eyes open and rush to answer, unwilling to let her think she may have done something wrong.

“Yes, yes, it’s fine. I, um…” You take a deep breath in, and out. “It’s just that… Well, I would struggle to say I have the normal set of nerve endings everyone else in the Universe has? And I don’t entirely know what it felt like to be touched in such a spot before this body, so…” You glance away, shy. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just a little…” Your face scrunches up more. “Wary isn’t entirely the right word? But it’s the only thing coming to mind right now.”

“Mm,” Odile acknowledges, replacing her hand. You shiver again. She does not waver. “I will be considerate of my touch,” she says seriously, though there is immense amounts of care in it as well. She delicately traces the outline of your midsection and it’s all you can do to not squirm under the gentle feeling of it.

At some point she pulls away to take some notes and you sigh. You’re not sure if she was done entirely yet, but you appreciated the break from the sensation regardless.

“How are you?” she asks abruptly, and you blink.

“I-I’m fine?” you stammer, a little more pathetically than you’d really like. Clearing your throat, you try again. “I’m fine.” You sound much more confident this time, even if you don’t particularly feel it.

Odile stills her pencil and considers you pensively. You can tell she sees right through you.

You.. look away.

With a heavy sigh, the old woman straightens and looks at you directly. You don’t turn back, but out of the corner of your eyes you can see her face. There’s something… tired in her gaze. You feel guilty for not being entirely truthful. You weren’t trying to lie or anything, but…

In a way that it often is not, Odile's voice is tender when she speaks. “Loop,” she starts, crossing her hands in her lap, “If you are uncomfortable, I would like to know. I’ve collected enough information to stop now, if that’s what needs to happen.”

She words it in the same Odile-like way she words anything, vaguely distant and slightly aloof, but the warmth in her eyes is more than enough to let you know she means it in the kindest way possible.

You shut your eyes tightly and inhale sharply, holding it for a moment before letting it go.

Okay.

You just had to be honest about your feelings, or whatever.

You could do that. You could totally do that.

You take another breath, steeling yourself, before blowing it out.

Okay.

You open your eyes. Odile’s steady regard for you is absolute. Your apprehension ebbs considerably.

Okay. You’ve got this, Loop.

“I’m… okay,” you answer truthfully. “Really. I just…” You sigh. “I really don’t know. I feel like… tingly? When you prod around there…”

Odile raises an eyebrow. “Tingly?” she echoes.

“For lack of a better word?” you squeak, feeling self conscious. You were rather proud of your vocabulary, and you normally relished in the specificity of your word choices. To have the well suddenly dry up as it’s been deciding to do this whole evening is messing with you something fierce.

The woman in front of you hums. “Would you consider it an arousal of sorts?”

You blink. “Arousal?”

The researcher diligently picks up her notebook and runs the tip of her finger down the page. “Throughout my examination thus far, you did not once show this level of reaction. You say you don’t recall the sensations of your old body in comparison to this one’s, but that you are aware that the crest on your chest is extremely sensitive.”

You cut in with an awkward little laugh. “I-I don’t know if I said all that…” you muse shyly.

Odile looks back up at you with a hum before continuing, “Nonetheless. A human’s chest and their stomach below it tend to be some of their most famously known erogenous zones.” She places the book back down before giving you one of her signature poses—an upturned palm and an inquisitive face. “So perhaps, just perhaps, the same still remains true for you?”

You stare at her, completely at a loss for words.

Of all the things she could do right now, Odile barks out a laugh.

“You’re looking at me like I just grew a second head!” she snickers. “Is my hypothesis truly that unfathomable to you?”

You glance away. “...A little?” you trill. Again, Odile just laughs, and you turn back to her, an unseeable petulant pout on your face. “W-well, it’s not like we have any proof of that or anything!!” you whine point out.

Without missing a beat, Odile smirks. “Then shall we find some?”

Okay. This time, you definitely whine. There’s no getting around it.

“Um!!” you chirp, “M…!! Maybe!!” You don’t know how or why she’s got you six different types of flustered right now, but you kind of hate it.

The scholar sobers a bit in front of you. “Loop,” she says softly, “I was serious when I said we don’t have to continue. If you are not 100% comfortable with the idea of me inspecting you further, this stops here and now. Alright?”

You calm some, finding yourself comforted by her assurance it was okay to just end this here. But…

You take a deep breath in… and out.

“No,” you shake your head firmly, “I want to continue.”

“Are you sure?” Odile asks, giving you that keen look of hers that lets you know she’s trying to find any hint of unwillingness. But there’s truly none to be found.

“Yes,” you grin, “I’m sure.” You let your body relax fully, just now realizing how wound up you had become. “Really, Odile. I’m… very curious about my own body. But to try and find out things about it on my own would be laborious and not to mention boring, so I’d much rather have you do it for me.” You wink and giggle. “Is that selfish of me?”

Odile holds her gaze for a few seconds more before sighing, her posture loosening with it. “Alright,” she nods, beginning to reach her hand out again. She stops just short of touching you though, and cuts you a look. “Should your stance on this matter change at any point I am to be told immediately, yes?”

You laugh openly at her. “Yes, M’dame. Whatever you say, M’dame.”

The old woman rolls her eyes, but she has a loose smile on her face, so you know she believes you.

And thus begins round two.

Odile carefully, meticulously presses her hand against your stomach. Again a slight tremor over takes you and you feel something flutter in your chest as she steadily makes her way downward. Eventually she reaches the place where, on a more normal body, would lie some form of genitalia. You, of course, lack these features.

That does not stop your legs from starting to quiver with some odd, specific feeling you can’t quite find a word for at the moment.

You bite back what you’re sure would have been an extremely embarrassing noise, managing instead to just let out a small, stuttered groan.

Odile glances up at you, an odd look on her face, but doesn’t falter. She dips two fingers down and under your groin and… does what you can only describe as a dance with them. Twisting and twirling, pressing and prodding, drumming with them, one up and one down at all times…

It is all you can do not to moan, for a reason you cannot parse.

There was nothing down there, right? So why did her doing what she’s doing make you so dizzy?

You can tell you’re beginning to pant, but blessedly, Odile doesn’t comment. She just continues to move her fingers in ways you think feel much too practiced for someone who you’ve never heard ever so much as mention sex before.

…Oh. Wait.

Is that what this is? Sex? Is she having sex with you right now, somehow?

For whatever reason, you really don’t mesh with that thought. You didn’t have sex. You helped people, and in turn were helped too, but you didn’t have sex.

But did this count as “helping”? Or…?

“O-Odile,” you choke out abruptly. She stills immediately and without protest, but you do notice she seems a little dazed herself.

“Do you wish to stop?” she asks, peering up at you. Are her glasses a little foggy?

You blink hard. Stay focused.

“U-um,” you start smartly, “I… I don’t…” Oh, curse your words right now. You’d just have to be as blunt as you could be. “A-are we? H-aving sex? Right now?”

It’s Odile’s turn to blink. She looks a bit taken aback. “Sex?” she repeats, like she didn’t really hear you or something, and is trying to make sure she’s not misunderstanding. “Why would this be sex?”

And, she’s got you there. Why would this be sex? There was no intercourse happening or anything. Stars, this wasn’t even two sided. You were the only one deriving any sort of pleasure (which you’re just now realizing is what that earlier feeling was) from this. Were you manipulating the situation? You tended to do that. Maybe that’s what was happening. Maybe you were being a weird, disgusting little freak, just like always. Maybe you should… Maybe you should just—

“Loop.”

You startle and lock widening eyes with Odile’s calm ones.

“U-uh, um…” you stutter, unable to make your words work for you right now.

The old woman sighs. “Gems alive, you and Siffrin couldn’t be any more alike, could you?” Your eyebrows crease, confused. What?

“What?” you blurt out.

With a roll of her eyes, Odile sits back. “You may lack a majority of your facial features, but you’re just as easy to read as he is,” she says, as if that explains anything.

“Oh… o-okay…?” Your head tilts as your face scrunches up a bit. “I’m… not following.”

“You both get this very specific look in your eyes. It’s distant in a way that lets me know I'm beginning to lose you.” She says it very matter-of-factly, like expressions aren’t one of the most subjective things to exist in this Universe. “It’s like hearing the piercing rattle of the snake. If you know what you’re watching out for, it’s impossible to miss.”

You balk. “That can’t be true.”

“Ha!” Odile laughs, like just a real solid laugh. She points at you as she usually does, palm upturned. “I’m sure both of you would love to think so!”

The room brightens considerably. You pretend like it doesn’t.

“W-well!!” you pout indignantly, not wanting to dignify her with a response to that, “You still didn’t answer my question!”

Odile’s wry look doesn’t clear. “And you didn’t answer mine.”

Your face pinches more. “I don’t know,” you answer honestly, though your tone is a bit rough. “That’s why I asked.

The scholar hums. “Fair enough.” she nods, crossing her arms after. For a few seconds she sizes you up. And then, “I mean, personally? My answer wouldn’t be no, but I do believe it takes two or more to have sex proper. So you tell me, Loop.” She gives you a good natured grin. “Is this what you would consider sex?”

You… think about it.

You really, really think about it. And, after stars know how long of just thinking about it, you have your answer.

“...Nnno?” you try.

Odile raises an eyebrow. “Is that supposed to be a question?”

You flush. “No,” you start. “But I guess I just…” Your voice peters out as you try to find the words, a hand working the air as you do so. Eventually though, you sigh with defeat. “Odile,” you groan, “Can I just be blunt about this?”

The old woman lets out another quick, hearty laugh. “You’re asking me if you can be blunt?”

You hum. “Fair point,” you mumble before taking a deep breath. You hold it for just a moment, squarely preparing yourself, and then let it go.

You could do this, Loop. Just be honest.

“I… guess I don’t know what I consider sex,” you admit, glancing away after. “I don’t particularly have any way to be penetrated, or do any penetration. But I know for some people that’s not all it is?” You cross your arms thoughtfully. “I guess this is less sex and more of a sexual situation, but…”

“So you were getting aroused,” Odile grins. When you focus on her, you can’t see her eyes behind the glint of her glasses, but her eyebrows have shot up.

You look away again and feel yourself brighten for some reason.

Yes,” you cough into your hand. “Yes I was.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Odile says simply, surprising you. She must notice that, because she continues, “You can derive pleasure from someone else’s touch and not have it be sex. As you said, the situation might turn sexual, but the act of having sex has not happened until all parties agree on the fact that they are indeed starting to engage in such.”

You frown, disbelieving. “Is it really that simple…?”

Instead of replying directly, Odile holds up a hand. You blink, confused, and lend her one of yours.

“Loop,” she says, her other hand coming to rest atop yours, “Tell me something.”

“Yes…?” you prod, a little hesitant.

“Put aside whatever preconceived notions of what you believe sex to be. Just for a moment.” She looks at you for acknowledgement and you nod. She nods back. “Now, there is no wrong answer to this, so be honest, alright?” Again, you nod. You watch in silence as Odile’s face becomes unreadable before she pops the question proper. “Loop,” she says, voice steady, “do you want this to be sex?”

You feel like you probably should have seen this coming. From the set up, to the way she conveniently has your hand sandwiched in hers, preventing you from pulling away entirely. Making it so you have to sit with the question and not just immediately fly into defense mode.

As you tend to do with her sometimes, you imagine this exchange as a game of chess. She has you in check and your king is dangerously close to cornering itself. One wrong move and she’s guaranteed checkmate in only a few moves more.

You have some choices from here, though. Do you concede? Recognize her win in this situation and tell her the truth? Or do you fight tooth and nail, seeing if there is some way for you to scrape together your remaining meager forces of a pawn and knight and perform some magic? Spin together some miracle that makes you out to be the victor in the end?

Would that feel good, you wonder? Winning a losing battle? What would you even get out of it, though? Victory is only as sweet as the celebration afterward, so if you won, would there be any joy in it, truly? What do you get for lying during this game? What do you really get for it?

…You can’t find a good answer no matter how hard you try.

You concede.

“Not… really,” you mumble lamely, looking off to the side. “Sorry,” you tack on quickly, feeling guilty.

Odile hums, pats the top of your hand, and lets go. “No need. I’m not offended or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. I came here with no ulterior motives. I simply wished to study you, and that’s all we’re doing.” A small, wry smile graces her face as she continues. “I won’t pretend like I am not still interested in that goal. Especially with this new development.” Her face neutralizes after that, something more significant overtaking it. “But, as I steadily maintain, this does not need to go any further than it already has.”

You look at her and feel a lot of different emotions at once, but you can’t seem to name a single one.

“You want to go further, though.” It’s an assertion more than a question.

Both surprisingly and not, Odile nods. “Yes. I am quite interested in what makes you tick. But I am not the one being examined here. You are. This is up to you, Loop.” She fixes you with a serious look and gives you your ultimatum. “Do you want to keep going? Or do you want to stop? Again, there is no wrong answer, so please answer truthfully. I would hate to know you chose to press on uncomfortably just for my sake, so whatever you do, don’t do that.”

You hum and nod, glancing away from her to think.

You both agreed this wasn’t sex, even if the situation itself now held sexual connotations. So, if this wasn’t sex, and you really did want to learn more about your body, and Odile had made it clear she also wanted to continue…

You close your eyes and take a deep breath in… and out.

“Yes,” you nod, opening your eyes and giving a tiny smile, “I wanna keep going.”

Odile regards you with a peculiar look for a few seconds, and then nods herself.

“Very well.” She picks up her notebook and scribbles down some things. You’re curious, but you feel like maybe you should wait until this is all over to ask, so you just watch on until she’s done. You don’t have to wait too long though. Only a couple moments pass before she puts the book back down and turns to you, moving her writing hand to hover near your abdomen again all in one motion. “Are you ready to continue?” she asks.

You inhale a stuttery breath, not entirely prepared for her to suddenly be so close to you like this again. But, now that you know it’s time to head back into the thick of it, you nod.

“Hit me with it,” you smirk, only for your eyebrows to pinch with a bit of worry right after. “Um… do be gentle though?”

Odile scoffs. “Have I been anything but?” If she were anyone else, you’d think you had accidentally offended them. But you know Odile, and you know what she’s actually saying when her voice tilts like this.

I’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose, you can hear mixed into what she truly says. And you know it’s true. It makes you feel safe, and even as she makes contact with you again, the feeling doesn’t go away.

As Odile begins to move downward again, you remind yourself that this is fine. This was something you wanted. Both of you, even. It was okay to let your emotions do as they pleased and to let yourself feel what you feel. It was the only way either one of you were getting the answers you desired out of this too, so it was necessary to do so, even.

This would be fine. You would be okay.

Despite what the woman had just joked about, when she’s finally back to where she was when you left off, her touch is considerably lighter. Not nearly as fast either.

You sigh heavily, shuddering the whole time.

As she works her magic, you find yourself getting more and more worked up. Sounds start slipping from you involuntarily, your fingers flutter out every so often from where they fist the bedsheets on either side of you, your legs fight you for control in the want to pull together and bring her hand closer, closer, closer…

And then, it happens.

Odile does… something. From the way she gasps, you can tell even she didn’t expect it.

But you were beyond unprepared for it.

The noise you make as you feel one of the fingers literally dip inside you is something between a choked sob and a moan. Later with hindsight, you’ll be able to process that interacting with your star is still a million times more alluring, but right now in this moment, you feel as if you’ve never felt this pleasured before in your life.

Odile is much quicker to recover than you could ever be. “Loop, are you alright?” she asks, worry unbidden. “Should I remove my hand?”

“Nnn… nnnn…” you whine, unable to find your words. Oh, if only you could use your telepathy with anyone besides your stardust… Ahh well.

You shake your head, the only other way you can think to respond.

Odile hums, sounding troubled. “I don’t want to keep going if you can’t communicate,” she starts, making you worried she’s about to stop entirely. But then she continues, “However, if I’m understanding you right now, you do wish to. So, to compromise, I’m going to ask you yes or no questions until you can speak again. Is that alright?”

You nod fervently. Yes, yes, yes. Just move, you can’t say, but hope your pleading eyes get across anyways.

The woman hums. “Great. Glad we’re on the same page. Now, I’m going to continue, and if at any point you need or want me to stop, just push me away. Don’t try to speak first, just do it. Okay?”

Again you nod, another whine slipping from you. Just move! you shout in your head, trying to exude it in a way it can get across to her.

Luckily for you, she does.

Whether she’s now feeling safe in the assumption that you will do as asked if need should be, she can tell you’re desperate, or both, you don’t know. But Odile does indeed start to wriggle her fingers around again. And stars, does it feel good.

The single digit inside of you was joined by a second almost immediately, and you feel the beginnings of a third one too. You have absolutely no clue how she’s managing to do this, but you love it.

You can feel your star beginning to leak as that third finger enters in earnest. A growl of a moan falls out of you, low and needy, and you buck into Odile’s hand.

Though she doesn’t touch herself, every so often you can hear the smallest noise come from her. You wonder if she finds any gratification from this as well briefly, and then a fourth finger interrupts your thoughts.

“Ghhh—!!” you gag, choking on your own hasty intake of breath. “O-O’di—!!”

“Do not force yourself to talk,” the woman reminds, although she does not relent in her assault on your senses. If anything, she simply moves faster.

It’s so great and too much and you cum and you wail and she keeps going and you can’t handle it, you can’t handle it, you can’t—

In a panicked frenzy, you shove Odile away from you. You’re sobbing as you do so, you can tell.

Mission failed in the end, you guess.

Your limbs all come to wrap around your body as much as they can. You’re shivering, the tears won’t stop, you can’t breathe…

You can tell you’re making Odile uncomfortable as you cry into your shoulder. You can’t see her or anything, you refuse to even look her way, but with how quiet she’s being…

You don’t need to see it on her face. You know.

Nothing happens for a long while. At some point, your hands move from crossing your chest to being shoved in your face. It’s a weak and feeble attempt to make yourself stop sobbing, and it doesn’t work even a bit.

Later rather than sooner, you manage to calm down some. The whole time until then, Odile did not once attempt to touch or talk to you. You don’t know if you should feel grateful or upset.

“...Sorry,” you mumble pathetically, gingerly letting your sore arms drop into your scrunched up lap. You feel extremely exposed, but you think hiding under the covers would be too cowardly to even attempt, so you stay put.

Odile looks up from her book, expression openly filled with concern. “Are you feeling better?” she asks calmly, pencil stilling.

You nod… and then shake your head.

Odile raises an eyebrow. “I’m afraid that gives me net zero information, Loop.” There’s a bit of a laugh in her tone, and surprisingly, it makes you relax a bit.

“Sorry,” you apologize again, sighing this time. “ I-I… I don’t. Know.” It’s the most honest answer you’ve got, but you’re well aware it also doesn’t get the two of you much of anywhere either.

But, Odile doesn’t seem to mind your answer as much. She hums. “I suppose a better question would be have you calmed down enough to talk with me now,” she muses, “So let’s pretend I said that instead.” She pushes out an upturned palm, finger pointing. “Have you, Loop?”

You let out a weary, relieved sigh. She’s right. That is a better question. A lot easier to answer and with one that actually leads you somewhere.

“Yes,” you say truthfully. “I think I’m done with all that awful crying business now.” You fold your hands under your arms. “Sorry about that,” you laugh. It’s more of a wheeze.

“No need,” Odile dismisses with a shrug. “I have a feeling I may have accidentally overwhelmed you.”

Something sharp threatens to fall from your mouth, a small part of you wanting to lash out. But ultimately, you know it wouldn’t do anyone any favors right now, so you swallow it and say something a normal, well adjusted person would say instead. “...Something like that,” you huff as playfully as you can manage.

With a few taps at her book, Odile stalls. You don’t know what she’s waiting for, but you’re starting to grow worried again. Before you can start to wheel yourself somewhere dangerous though, the woman decides to speak up.

“...My apologies.” She looks you in the eyes as she says it, so sincere it kind of makes you sick. “I can explain myself, if you’d like.” Her face pinches with something that looks almost guilty. “You’ll have to permit me some liberties and assumptions in it, though.”

You nod, a mixture of curiosity and shame pushing you to accept her terms. “That’s fine,” you add on for good measure, “I’ll just… let you know if you got anything wrong after…?”

Odile hums. “I’d appreciate it.” She takes a deep breath in… and out. “Now, just bear with me for a moment, okay? I will explain anything you don’t understand once I finish.”

“Noted,” you say, trying to quell the fear in your heart over the idea of potentially being misrepresented, even if for a moment. It was something you couldn’t stand, not unless you had put up a front for the explicit purpose of being misrepresented. But you hadn’t, not this evening, and the thought you still might be misread makes you tremble with nerves.

You don’t say anything about that, though. You simply sit there in silence and await Odile’s judgment explanation.

“I’d like to start by apologizing again,” she sighs. “I got too caught up in the moment and didn’t recognize your signs of distress, and for that, I am truly sorry.”

“Water under the bridge,” you shrug off. “No worries.”

Odile frowns at that a bit, but does not comment. Instead, she nods just slightly before beginning to elaborate proper.

“...Right. Well.” The woman scans the pages of her book again before speaking. “While I can’t say I have exact termage for anything that just happened, I do think I have a hypothesis. A theory even, if you will.”

“I will,” you grin, eyes crinkling a bit. You like being able to jab. It makes you feel better. More in control.

The scholar gives you a small, wry smile. “Well then, I have a theory.” Her gaze sobers as she continues. “With all that happened in mind, I think it’s safe to say you still feel arousal and derive pleasure from said arousal when an erogenous zone of yours is touched. Said zones seem to be located at the top and bottom of your torso, with the lower half affecting the upper half.”

What a… way to say that. You think you’re following, but you’re a little confused just from the wording. Your brows furrow and your head tilts with it, but you don’t interrupt.

“Your crest only began to drip with fluids once I was able to slip some fingers inside of you,” she goes on, seemingly ignorant of your slight befuddlement, “Said fluids continued to produce and increase in flow until you climaxed, or what I am assuming is the next closest thing for you.”

She says it so clinically… It makes you shiver. You didn’t mind the actual examination, but you don’t think you’re very fond of being talked about like nothing more than a lab rat.

You still don’t say anything. It’s fine.

“I then, too fascinated by this result, didn’t think critically on the matter.” Oh, right. She’s not done. Listen, Loop. Focus. “And I just kept going. Without so much as slowing myself, even. This in turn led to your sudden overwhelm, I assume.” Odile looks up from her book, something twinged with pain in her eyes. “I can’t imagine what it must have felt like to have all those sensations pulling uncomfortably at you this way and that. I myself like to feel overwhelmed in situations such as these, so I’m afraid I simply cannot relate.” Her expression clears. “But, it’s no excuse. Should we do another examination in the future, I will be much more attentive in my work.”

Your eyes widen with one part curiosity, three parts utter bewilderment. “Another?” you ask, “As in, you want to do this again?”

What even was “this”? Did you even want whatever that was? Again?

…You don’t know. You can’t tell right now.

“Well, I wouldn’t call my research anywhere near complete…” Odile hums. “But finding out more means exploring more, which means yes, we would have to do this again some other time.” She eyes you levelly. “If that is what you so desire as well?”

This seems too easy. You’re not convinced.

“Are you sure you want to, M’dame?” you chuckle airily as you grab your arm with a trembling hand. “Some lab partner I am, ruining the very first experiment like this~!”

“You didn’t ‘ruin’ anything, Loop,” Odile says with a roll of her eyes. You’d feel hurt if it didn’t catch you so off guard. “You did exactly as I asked, in fact.”

You blink. You did?

“I did?” you breathe, unable to recall any instructions ever being given to you. What in the Universe could she be referring to?

The old woman nods, some weird and tired look on her face that rubs you the wrong way. You do your best to ignore it. “Yes, Loop. Though you may not recall it after your sudden shutdown—” Ouch. Could she not have worded it any gentler? “I did in fact instruct you to simply push me away if things got to be too much. And you very much did just that, might I add.”

…Oh. She did, didn’t she? You remember that now. You had completely forgotten.

‘So you did…” you mumble, “So I did…”

“So you did,” Odile nods firmly, almost as if to give one final confirmation. Yes, it happened. No, you’re not in trouble. Yes, it’s fine.

…It can’t be that easy.

Can it…?

“Um…” You… don’t know what to say. Just a few moments ago, your mind was buzzing with things to say, ask, do, and now…

Now it’s just silent.

You can’t stand it.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Odile prods, holding out an olive branch. Something for you to cling to and work with.

You’re more grateful than you think is strictly necessary in this moment, but you also can’t quite find it in yourself to care about that too much right now.

“Oh, um…” you stumble a bit, before pausing. You had something to answer now. You should think first.

So, you think.

You think and you think and you think and with a deep breath in and out, you make your decision.

“Yes,” you nod once, and then twice for good measure. “This experience was not… overall bad. And I can’t pretend like I don’t really want to know more about all that just happened. So, yes.” One more nod. Gotta make sure she knows you’re being honest. “I’d like to do this again sometime, if you’d like to as well.”

“I would,” Odile smiles gingerly. You can just barely see the hints of relief flickering in her irises, but they’re gone before you can even be sure they were there in the first place. “Thank you for agreeing to this again, by the way.”

“No problem,” you shrug easily. “I won't lie, though. I, um…” You glance away from her awkwardly. “I… don’t really know what to like? Do now??”

To that, Odile lets out a big, hearty laugh. “Well!” she declares, shutting her notebook and giving a stretch, “You certainly won’t be staying here for the night!”

It’s so genuine, so blunt, so Odile. It makes you smile with fondness.

“Not like I ever planned on it!” you toss back, making your way off of the bed and stretching yourself. Jeez, your back was killing you. “I have some people who would greatly welcome my company in bed, thank you very much!”

“Then go be with them!” Odile shoos. Her tone is playful and her eyes shine with affection.

There is some powerful and dangerous emotion beginning to suffocate you. You do your best to ignore it, unwilling to bring it up right now.

“I will!” you huff back with a laugh instead of further subjecting yourself to the mortifying ordeal of being known. You’d had enough gross feelings talk for one night. “Goodnight, Odile,” you bid farewell as you open the door to her room. “Do let me know when we should do this again, hm?”

“I will,” she waves. “Now shoo. You young people always cause so much excitement. An old lady like me needs her rest!”

You laugh openly. “Yes, yes!” You take that cue to step out of the room, only to turn back a second later and push in just your head and a single hand. “Ta-ta, M’dame~!” you wave cutely.

Odile doesn’t even grace you with a spoken answer, just a groan and a much larger shooing motion, using her whole arm this time, as she flops down into her pillow.

Something akin to pain shoots into you and ricochets around and through your heart. It pierces the thing again and again until it can do nothing more but throb pitifully, holes dripping with blood.

You think, not for the first time, this is what loving someone else and letting them love you back feels like.

Your cheeks burn with the force of your smile.

You decide to leave before you start crying again.

 


 

Data Captured: 6/3/★✦▲◼

 

Bodily Anatomy of Loop

 

Limbs

- Eerily rubbery? Very smooth.

- Follows a rough bone-like structure, but does not seem to house any bones. (Ask more later?)

- Overall mostly human. Oddities such as no defined toes arise, but nothing too uncanny.

- Slightly cold to the touch. Seems to warm slowly, but steadily.

- No obvious signs of decreased sense of touch.

- Very small pinpricks of beaming light coat the entire body. Loop refers to them as “stars”.

 

Chest

- Large crest directly in the middle. Faintly glows. Reportedly very sensitive. Loop refers to it as “their star.” Seemingly different from the “stars” covering their body. (Did not interact with. Ask more later.)

- Crest leaks fluids when the body is stimulated. May be some form of reaction similar to human genitalia. (? Ask more later.) Seems to increase in flow drastically as they get closer to climaxing.

 

Lower Torso

- Erogenous zone where human genitalia would be found. Does not possess any form of genitalia and is completely null. One is able to enter their very being there after enough arousal has been felt. (Unsure of why. Ask more later.)

- Inside, it somehow feels both warm and cold at the same time. There are no resistances when moving around, and it feels almost like sticking a finger into a filled water balloon.

- Does not produce fluids like the crest does, even after climaxing.

 

Extra Notes

- Whole torso is sensitive to touch.

- Easily overwhelmed by prolonged touch after climaxing.

 

Terms

- Star; singular: the crest on Loop’s chest.

- Stars; plural: the dots of light that are scattered around their body.

 

To Do

- Find out more about the crest and its functions.

- Ask more about skeletal structure.

- Figure out what exactly allowed entry into their lower half.

 

 

end a/n: i have ideas for further chapters, but as of rn consider this done <3 i love you asexual characters with a weird fucking relationship to sex i LOVE YOU (rips off my shirt like falin) (theres a second shirt underneeth that reads I ♥ ASEXUALS AND THEIR WEIRD RELATIONS WITH SEX ♥)
also let me put this to rest before anyone gets any ideas: loop Knows what sex is. theyre a grown fucking adult they Know what Sex Is. they just dont particularly know what it means when Theyre a part of the equation, ok? <3