a/n: before u read, lemme tap the sign rq ok? [i tap the sign. it reads: I AM AROACE. BE NORMAL.]
Something could be said about the amount of times you have found yourself in this position in such a short timespan, you think.
It’s been hard to keep track of time now that the loops are over. You’d like to think it’s been weeks, but it’s probably barely been one. Either way, in whatever time frame it’s been, this is now your fourth time hovering over your stardust like this.
“Ah…” they breathe quietly, single eye hazy with something that’s not quite lust but is definitely desire, “Loop…”
You say nothing as you continue to play with him.
Your celestic appendages push into the human’s heat effortlessly. You’ve grown used to the ways he squirms and moans under you whenever you end up like this. Move this way and his breath picks up a little. That way and it picks up a lot. And if you slip a finger inside of him just so…
Siffrin gasps sharply as you enter him. It’s only the one digit, so the reaction always makes you a tick nervous. Had you hurt them? Was it too much? Too soon? Did they want to stop?
But, no. None of the above. It’s just how their body responds to the stimuli. You were always gentle and slow, never going straight for it. Not to mention you had quickly pieced together the fact that by the time they had stopped simply whining and started saying your name they were more than prepared for more than just wispy hands fluttering around their entrance.
And, ultimately, you trusted him. You trusted him to stop you if you did do something wrong he didn’t like. He promised he would, and you had the utmost belief in him.
As you delicately curl your finger inside of your stardust and watch them quiver, eye fluttering shut and brows creasing with need, you can’t help but wonder.
Why? Why had he chosen you for this?
He and Isabeau had been getting disgustingly comfortable in the past… however long it’s been. You had spotted lingering touches, scintillating eye contact, the remnants of recently broken kisses… You didn’t understand.
Why come to you with the desperate, longing, pleading puppy dog eye? Why not the fighter?
You dip in another finger and watch carefully as Siffrin’s back arches a bit, gasp caught in his throat. “L-Loop—!” they sputter out. “O-oh…!!”
You give him a hidden smile. Always so receptive to the tiniest thing, this one.
Was he enjoying himself, you wonder? What did he really get out of this? Out of having these secret little rendezvous? Stealing away seconds, minutes, sometimes hours with you in the latest moments of the night?
You want to ask him. You desperately need to know why he comes to you and not somebody he loves. Somebody he wants to actually spend his life with. Somebody who you’re completely and utterly certain could do more for him than you could ever dream of.
But, you can’t.
You can’t because you’re selfish. Greedy. You’re heedless, cold, disgusting Loop.
Your stardust bucks into your hand, whining. “Loop…” they pant, “Please… k-eep moving…”
Ah. You hadn’t realized your movements had slowed. You’re normally much better at this.
With a small sigh, you look down at Siffrin tenderly. “Sorry, stardust,” you all but whisper, “I just got so lost in you that I got a little sidetracked.” You see them open their mouth, but you quickly coil your fingers together inside of them, swiftly cutting off whatever they were about to say. “Ah, ah,” you admonish cutely as they stammer out noises that you’d hesitate to call words, “No worries, okay? You won’t lose me again.”
Siffrin lets out an extremely pathetic whimper. You chuckle softly despite yourself.
“Y-ou can’t—” they try, only for you to press down on his clit. You were fondling it earlier, but you never really concentrated on it. You didn’t roll it under your thumb deftly, the exact way you knew would get him to simply mewl with it.
And mewl he does.
“AH—!” he chokes, the sudden intensity no doubt catching him off guard. Then, “A-aaahh…” There’s that feeble little keen you wanted to hear. You’re so happy this inn’s walls are soundproof.
“That’s right,” you coo for one reason or another, “Just relax, stardust. I’m here to make you feel good and I plan on doing it well, alright?”
(You wonder remotely if that’s true. Are you only here for his sake? What did you get out of it?
…You don’t care to dwell on that right now. So you don’t.)
Your only response is a low whine. You recognize it for the plea that it is and tut playfully.
“Aw, stardust~” you murmur, bending into a position that is somewhat awkward for you and moving your face closer to his. You don’t particularly know where the solid parts of your face begin and end, but you have the distinct feeling that if you got any closer, your foreheads would touch. “Does someone need more~?”
Siffrin nods almost embarrassingly fast, voice squeaking with effort. “Yes!!” they beg. “Please, Loop! I-I… I’m…!!”
Ah. They were about to finish. So fast today…
No matter. You fix your face attentively and sigh. That same strange emotion that always found you at this stage once again has its hold on you. You keep resolving to think about it harder later, when you’re alone and don’t have your clone duplicate facsimile imitation stardust’s slick coating your elegant fingers. You never do.
Siffrin complains again, whimpering petulantly. “Loop…” Their vibrato is comparable to that of a steaming kettle. “Please… please…”
And who are you to deprive him any further?
“Yes, yes,” you giggle gingerly. “Anything for you, stardust.”
You pick up your pace immensely, suddenly, and the sounds Siffrin makes drive you crazy. You struggle with the haze in your mind, trying to keep yourself in check and make sure your touch doesn’t become too much. That it’s still good. Still wanted.
And, it is.
Below you Siffrin comes undone. His heavy pants start to catch in his throat as you move your hand proficiently. A twist here, a prod there. Like electricity, the lithe thing under you jolts and jerks with your every touch. You watch, enraptured. It’s just as fascinating to observe as it always is.
“Loop, Loop, Loop,” they chant in quick succession, and you know the play is nearing its end. You don’t really want it to, but to extend this little… hang out would just be selfish and completely inconsiderate of you. They deserve to finish without being held up by your obsession, you think. After everything they’ve been through, they deserve this.
“C’mon, stardust,” you purr, sticking in one final finger for good measure, “Cum for me.”
And, they do.
Siffrin’s eye flies open as they gasp abruptly and promptly stain your hand. “LOOP—!” they cry out, hands that were previously clutching at sheets coming to grab at you.
You stiffen, but don’t back away. They always did this when they came. You never understood why, but it seemed to comfort them after their climax, so you never begrudge them it.
After a long, arduous bout of heavy breathing, Siffrin’s hold on you loosens significantly. You take this as your cue to finally pull away as carefully as you can.
Your hand is sticky and coated in transparent liquids. Your back is killing you. And your stardust has such deep emotion pooling in his eye that it makes you want to gag.
“Th-thank you, Loop…” he breathes.
“No problem at all, stardust,” you dismiss airily, wiping your hand off on the side of the bed. You’d feel bad about it, but the inn was going to clean them after you left anyways. What they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them.
As Siffrin lets himself calm down completely, you find you are once again at a loss of what to do now. This too has happened every time, and it’s by far the worst part of this whole… situation. You shift on the bed until you’re sitting on Siffrin’s side, legs hanging off of the bed. You can never properly face him after these little get togethers reach their end.
You fight to keep your own breath even as you wait for him to pop the same question he always does.
“...Loop?” they start in that despicably frail way. Here it comes. “A-are you sure there’s nothing I can—”
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, Siffrin,” you bite, your anguish anger despair emotion making you slip and say his name proper, “There is nothing. There never will be anything either, okay? So stop asking.”
“...Okay,” he replies meekly. You immediately feel bad.
“I-I—you don’t—” you try to rush out, the thought of being misunderstood by anyone, especially them, causing you to fumble. You clear your throat and attempt to relay your thoughts in a less hasty manner. “I don’t… need anything from you, stardust.” Your tone is much lighter than it was just a few moments ago. “Really. I’m fine.” You laugh and pretend like it’s not filled with self-deprecation as your hands absently come to rest on your arms. “It’s not like I exactly have anything for you to mess with.”
You feel the bed move underneath you. Siffrin sits beside you now, yet you refuse to pry your eyes from where they stare at the carpet, the fibers soaking up every bit of malice you pour into it with your sharp gaze. Not even when he leans into your shoulder do you relent.
“Loop,” he begins tentatively, though you are distinctly aware of the lack of actual fear in his voice, “You know you don’t have to do this for me if you really don’t want to, right?”
But, you do. You owe this to him. And, moreover…
“I do,” you mumble, pressing back against him. “Want to, I mean. I really do.”
Siffrin hums. “Then why do you always get like this after? All… distant and…” They grumble, seemingly at a loss for words, and throw an upturned hand in the air, shaking it. “So… whatever this is?”
They just came, so you cut them some slack for their inability to word search properly. You do sigh deeply though, hands tightening around your arms.
“I don’t know, stardust,” you admit truthfully. “I really don’t.”
The silence that follows is crippled by uncertainty dancing in the air. You hear your doppelganger do his little breathing exercises once, twice, three times.
“Can we…” he starts soon after, apprehension ringing much clearer in his tone now, “Can we maybe… Try and talk about it?” There’s a tilt to his voice that you know means I don’t actually believe you’ll agree to do this, but I’m praying to all that is good in the Universe that you will at least consider it.
So, you do. You consider the proposition for a few agonizingly long moments.
The idea of explaining your complicated thoughts on whatever this little setup was honestly made you absolutely nauseous. It’d be gross, first of all, to share the things that go round and round in your head when you looked down at Siffrin as he begged you to touch him. Pleaded with you, just a little more, with his face screwed up magnificently. Downright needed you to finish what you had started, body twitching uncontrollably with an urgent and insatiable thirst.
…You lost your train of thought for a moment there. Your chest feels weird.
You take a deep breath.
“...Maybe next time,” you relent. You don’t know if you mean it or not, but you can’t break their little heart right now. You refuse to.
In response, Siffrin simply presses against you harder, this time wrapping their arms around your waist. “Okay,” they mumble.
“Okay,” you repeat.
The room falls silent. It is decidedly much better than the one from moments ago.
Your stardust tries their best to fend off the sleep you know is clawing at them, but they sooner than later lose the battle.
With a mighty yawn, Siffrin cuddles into you. “G’ni, Lu,” he just barely manages.
Despite yourself, you chuckle.
“Goodnight, stardust,” you reply softly, letting a hand fall to his rest in his hair. The messy mop had somehow made its way to your lap at some point. You feel the way he hums in response in your very soul. He’s out like a light a few seconds later.
You stare at him as his shoulders steadily rise and fall with each slumbering breath. You can see his whole face, as he opted to remove his eyepatch before starting earlier. In a moment of pure weakness, you hover your occupied hand over his bad eye, fascinated.
You’re sure, in this moment. Siffrin is more beautiful than you ever were.
Your feelings are explosive over this revelation, but you swallow them. You couldn’t disturb the little rogue who had decided to use your legs as a pillow. You wouldn’t.
The clock in this room isn’t very helpful at night, what with its dark back and darker numbers and pointers. You squint at it anyways. You think it must be somewhere around 5 in the morning.
A resigned sigh leaves you and you continue to pet Siffrin. In a few hours everyone would wake up and you would be back on the road. This night would slip away just like the previous ones, and you’d push down your difficult feelings until the little so-and-so decided to bring them up again. Probably sometime after applying a brand new coat of cum all over your hand again.
You don’t look forward to the potential talking.
You do look forward to everything else.
You wonder distantly as the sun slowly, achingly raises. What exactly are you and Siffrin? You know you’re not dating, stars no. That’s nowhere near correct.
But. You are obviously something. People don’t do these kinds of things with just anybody, and especially not Siffrins. So you had to have some sort of special title, right? Surely?
…Siffrin doesn’t respond to your loud, overbearing thoughts. How could he? He’s asleep.
You close your eyes, exhaustion suddenly pulling at you in droves. You suppose this was your sign to stop thinking so hard for right now.
So, you do. You halt all thought processes and simply watch your stardust as they rest cutely on your lap.
Maybe they were right. Maybe you should talk about it. But that wasn’t what was important right now. All that mattered was them. That, despite the fact they clearly had better options, they came to you. Every time and without fail.
You take a deep breath and force that to be enough for now.
end a/n: mmmm i love you asexual characters being sexual in specific and unusual ways. i love you asexual characters who are sexual but struggle with that fact. i love you asexual characters who dont have intercourse at all and dont want it either but Do want to pleasure someone else and derive pleasure from that in turn. i love you asexual characters <3